The Distinctive Voice Some of the most important things a writer must remember are the words that are used and the way the characters speak, as these will create the moods and impressions necessary to impact on the reader.
Sargeson's Boy talks as if he was a twelve year old. He talks about the things a twelve year old might do in the language of a twelve year old. For example: "I didn't say anything. Instead I gave one of my famous sniff in sniffs. It was a case of urgent necessity."
"Any how years and years went by and one morning I woke up and found I was twelve years old. It was all too marvellous for words."
"I felt like telling her it was only twenty-five minutes, but I somehow thought with my father there I'd better not. But it was only the next day that my father heard me answering my mother back, and oh gee if he didn't lay it on."
Patricia Grace tells the story Flies in the way small children would by using short sentences and concentrating on the sounds, smells and actions that fascinate children. For example: "Lizzie and Nereana had just finished their jobs when Macky came with his fly.
The fly was on a short piece of cotton, which was all Macky had been able to find.
"Get some of Aunty's cotton," he said, "and I'll give you some of my flies." He showed them the matchbox with the flies in it."
"The dunny seat and floor were still wet and stank of jeyes, and the flies, once disturbed, buzzed and circled and zoomed." A good writer tries to build the story and its characters by making sure that the language used sounds like it would be used by the people involved in the situation being written about. If it doesn't the characters won't seem real to the reader and the story won't "work." This means that if your character is a woman about your mother's age she would not normally speak in the same way as a school-aged person. The differences between people of varying ages and backgrounds can be shown in a story by the words they use and the way their sentences are constructed. While style can create and develop characters it can also develop the mood and atmosphere in the story - see
analysis (RTF 12KB)
. ACTIVITY: Choose three characters and situations from the lists that follow. For each character write a paragraph using words and sentence constructions that suit the person and the situation you place them in. Discuss your responses with your teacher and class.
| CHARACTERS
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SITUATION
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| teenage boy
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on a marae
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| teenage girl
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at a wedding
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| school teacher
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at a funeral
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| guitarist in a pop group
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at the meal table
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| lawyer
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with friends
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| TV personality
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in the school grounds
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| politician
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at a social
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| old man or woman
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in a meeting
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| radio DJ
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on the telephone
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What sort of sentences and words were used by the writers of the most realistic paragraphs? If the reader's attention is to be kept the writer will have more than an exciting or interesting story to tell. Because people do not talk or write in simple, short sentences all the time there will be a
variety (RTF 4KB)
used. The Writer's Tools: Constructing the character using Adjectives
, Verbs
and Adverbs
As you read the short stories in this unit you have seen how a writer develops characters by the way the person speaks or acts in a particular situation. These are techniques that develop from the story. At other times the author tells the reader what the character is like through the sorts of words and their functions in the sentence that the writer decides to use these can be adjectives used to describe the person, verbs used to state an action or adverbs used to change the meanings of the verbs. All of these are important tools in the writer's tool-box which you will use when you write your own short stories. While adjectives describe the characters or setting the actions that occur in the story are told through the verbs and adverbs
Editing the Story:
Used well, adjectives, verbs and adverbs build an effective story. When they are over used the story can become difficult to read because the action takes too long to happen. A writer will always try to "tighten the writing up" by economising on his or her use of adjectives, verbs and adverbs. Here is an
great_day1 (RTF 6KB)
where the writer has over written the description of the character: The writer could easily edit these four paragraphs into a less "over-written" style which would be more interesting for the reader as well as getting the action moving a lot faster. Here are the opening two paragraphs edited into a less wordy style:
THE GREAT DAY
He was an awkward kid. His eyes squinted from behind tortoiseshell circles, his ears jutted from his head and his hair, cut with a view to economy, a stubble over his moonlike face. He clutched his school cap in his sweaty hand. You will notice that the editing has reduced the two paragraphs to one while keeping the description, and the writer's attitude to the character, obvious to the reader.
ACTIVITY:
Discuss with your teacher the effectiveness of the rewriting. How has the writer's attitude to the character been kept in the rewritten paragraph? What words showed the author's attitude? Try your hand at editing. Rewrite the third and fourth paragraphs of THE GREAT DAY to reduce the over-written style of the writer. As you edited the paragraphs you would have noticed that you removed many of the adjectives and adverbs that the writer used to fill out the description of the boy and the courtyard. You have seen that the writer could have created a believable scene which still let the reader know how s/he was to "see" the character. The skill in recognising where a writer has "over-written" by using too many adjectives or adverbs is one that every writer must learn. It is harder to do if it is your own writing that you are editing because you want to protect the words you have written. Professional writers will often use an editor to suggest possible rewrites or alterations to the story so that it arouses the reader's interest and keeps them reading. In the next activity you will analyse a short story to discover how the author uses the different elements to create a situation and tell a story.
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